Last trip to Montana | 11.12.06

I finally took my last trip to Montana to film my thesis.

It actually happened two weeks ago, but I'm only getting around to writing about it now. I would be lying if I said that it has taken me this long to write about the trip because I'm so busy. Of course I'm busy--I'm trying to edit a feature-length documentary! But I've had plenty of time to update the website about my trip and I have been putting it off because I didn't feel able to write about the whole experience.

I'm ready now.

It was the shortest of my trips but it seemed like the hardest to prepare for. Seth, Ben Rodkin, and I left on a Sunday. We drove that day and the next, arriving in Shelby, MT on Monday night. Tuesday was election day (go Donkeys!) which was a great distraction to keep me from thinking too much about the Victim-Offender Dialogue that would happen the next day. Before election results came in, however, I was in prison with Ben and Seth. The warden took us on a tour, which he graciously let Ben film. Seth recorded sound. I think Warden MacDonald even kept the place on lock-down just a little bit longer than normal so that we could finish.

Warden MacDonald took me on a tour of the prison a couple of months ago so that I would know what it's like for Frank to live there. Despite having gone through it before, I was still struck anew by how miserable it would be to live in prison. Any time the warden decides, he can kick you out of your cell so that annoying outsiders like me can snoop around in your personal belongings. Or he kicks you out of the gym so some kid can come through with a movie camera to disrupt your routine. I was amazed at the lack of privacy you are afforded in prison. But I guess that's the price you pay for being a bad boy.

The prisoners seemed at least a little intrigued by our presence. When we went into one of the cell blocks they were all fighitng for room at the little windows of their cell doors to watch us. We could feel all of the eyes on us as we walked by.

After the tour, Warden MacDonald took us back to his office where he answered a few questions about the Victim-Offender Dialogue on camera. We discussed the schedule of the following day and then Ben, Seth, and I left to get a drink and head back to the motel. There are FAR more bars in Shelby than there are restaurants and Ben and I did not want to miss the opportunity to sample one of the staples of Montana culture: cheap booze. We opted for moderation, however, and had just two drinks before we went back to the motel to plant ourselves in front of the TV while election results slowly came in.

The next day we were up early. I had a motel breakfast with Sally and Kathy, my facilitators in the Victim-Offender Dialogue program, so they could check in and see if I was prepared for the rest of the day. Then they went to the prison to check in with Frank. I arrived at the prison about an hour later. Sally, Kathy, and I had one last meeting to set the ground rules for the Dialogue and then we were ready for it to begin. I walked out of the office we were using and Frank Fuhrmann was waiting with a guard in the hall. My stomach dropped at the surprise. For some reason I thought our first glimpse of one another would be more ceremonious or official.

I hurried into the conference room to set up the sound recorder and take a couple of deep breaths before the dialogue was to begin. Five minutes later I was sitting across from the man who killed my brother thirteen years ago. In the last picture I saw of him, taken a year ago, he had a full beard. When he came for the dialogue he was clean-shaven. It looked like he had nicked himself with the razor as there was a tiny red cut on his chin.

We talked for almost two hours and then decided to take a lunch break to collect our thoughts. I used the lunch break to think about what I wanted say to Frank when I went back. Frank had unfortunately already missed lunch, but he said that he usually skips it anyway. Since he wasn't able to go to lunch, he went to his health class, where he had to take a quiz. He said he did okay, about average for the class, but that he missed a lot of questions about alcohol consumption--probably because he's never really been a drinker. We talked for another two hours, we cried, and then I felt that the dialogue was over. We had both been able to say what we wanted and I think we both ended up saying more than we thought we ever would.

I brought a picture of Charlie into the room with me at the beginning of the dialogue. When I walked out of the conference room I accidentally left his picture behind. Frank picked it up and raced out of the room to make sure I didn't leave without it.

The next day we were on our way back to California.

- Taylor
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